These Traits are What Separates Boys from Men
These Traits are What Separates Boys from Men
By Johnny Tsimogiannis
Between the ages of around 12-25, the amount of changes a man experience is bewildering. Although a boy is just considered to be a younger version of a man, the differences between them and what is expected of them is humongous. Of course, children are still in their developmental phase, and so it would be unreasonable to expect the same things from them as you would from a fully grown adult, but the point is that the difference is VERY large. To illustrate this, I’ll be going over the 3 main traits that separate male maturity from male immaturity.
1. Integrity
Integrity is a relatively broad trait to have, but I truly believe it is the most important one, and so I’ve decided to place it first. The reason I believe it is so important is that integrity covers almost every ground of what makes an important, valuable man. Integrity refers to sticking by your values strongly, being optimistic, yet confident, being respected and showing respect to others, remaining honest and pure-hearted, being a loyal member of many communities and relationships, being a reliable and trustworthy individual, and having structurally sound moral principles that coincide with their actions. How do we know someone’s integrity though? It’s quite a difficult area to judge, but there’s one quote that always seems to make way when thinking of this; “There is no better test of a man’s integrity than his behaviour when he is wrong”. I think this is a good place to start. Does the man feel embarrassed and retreat apologetically? Does he pick ‘fight’ in the fight or flight response and begin to attack or blame those or that that caused him to be wrong? Does he joke around about his false beliefs and continue in an uncanny manner? Does he avoid acknowledgement of his mistakes? Does he understand what he did wrong and attempt to rectify the situation? All of these can be valuable indicators for judging a man’s integrity. Without integrity, a man’s moral status is non-existent, and although integrity itself doesn’t have a hard line that can be displayed to every individual who interacts with a person, low integrity can lead to certain actions which are easily classifiable as dishonourable, and will tend to repel those who knock on the door. Although high integrity doesn’t instantly attract like a magnet such as physical attractiveness, it’s something that over time, attracts other like-minded, high integrity people as well, and overall leads to a more fulfilling life. 3 brilliant books about male integrity that I have personally discovered have had a significant impact on my line of thinking and integrity will be linked below.
The Death of Porn: Men of Integrity Building a World of Nobility: https://amzn.to/41qFcoW
Disciplines of a GODLY Man: https://amzn.to/43PjEE0
Future Men: Raising Boys to Fight Giants: https://amzn.to/40pF0oK
2. Self-Reliance/Independence
Independence is a trait that all adults should possess. However, since men traditionally tend to, and are expected to take on more leadership focussed roles in jobs, relationships, and in life in general, the responsibility of independence is amplified. A man with no independence is worthless in the modern world, because society needs men who are CAPABLE of living and completing tasks on their own. Men should be able to rely on themselves and have confidence that they can pretty much do anything, as that confidence radiates to those who are more dependent. As a man, you WILL have terrible experiences, and tough situations that you have to figure out and deal with BY YOURSELF. What happens when you get men who are too dependent? They become a hassle, people are repulsed by them, especially women. If you find a man who changes his personality and values based on the affection for a woman, that woman will lose her respect for him, due to him bending himself to fit her archetype. Now, men who are too independent can also cause some issues, and begin to become socially inept or asocial. Which extreme is better? Men who are too independent, because if they truly are independent, they should have the responsibility on their shoulders to develop their social skills and become a likeable person, while a dependent man relies on someone or SOMETHING else to do it for him. “Waiting for the right opportunity” is foolish, take action now, there’s no better time. As a man, stress tolerance is of the utmost importance, because it almost directly equates to psychological strength. Think of stress tolerance as the amount of pressure your mind can handle, as though it’s trying to lift a weight. The more stress you can handle, the more weight you can lift. It's also extremely attractive too, people like those who seem calm and collected during difficult situations, and seem to handle everything with complete ease, especially if it’s a man.
3. Humility
Humility is the third and final trait I’ll be talking about in this, and it is often overlooked. Why? Well, humility can often be mistaken with low assertiveness, low confidence, and low self esteem. Some don’t think that, but when they try to put this concept into practice, that is what their actions end up signifying. Although the dictionary’s definition classifies it as someone who feels as though they have low self worth, that isn’t exactly the case. On the contrary, a man who possesses high humility is a man who is extremely valuable, and doesn’t feel the subconscious need to celebrate, glorify and memorialise their accomplishments in any facet of life. They know others will commemorate their achievements with compliments, but humble individuals avoid accepting these compliments as though to place themselves on a higher standard than others, showing that they do not require the validation of others. Someone who isn’t humble comes across as arrogant, and although arrogance is interlinked with confidence, it’s the kind of confidence that disgusts others, while confidence with humility is what attracts. The best way to show others your humility is to shut up. No seriously, the best way is to be more quiet than you normally would. Of course I don’t mean to not say a word in social interactions, that’s completely different. What I mean is that whenever you complete something that most would seem to find impressive, DON’T mention it unless the topic is brought up directly, and even if it is, try to make an effort not to come off as cocky. Sometimes, silence speaks louder than words do, and so let your actions speak for themselves. Try going 90 days in full focus mode, where you concentrate on your own development, and don’t talk about it to ANYONE until the time period has finished. Difficult? It’s supposed to be, which is why people value it so much. In order to obtain this lifelong skill in just a single book, consider my suggestion.
The Power of Humility in Leadership: Influencing as a Role Model: https://amzn.to/3H3riRA
Overall, truly becoming a man isn’t a simple process; it won’t happen overnight. As long as you are CONSTANTLY working on your personal growth and development into this idealised character, you will eventually begin to acquire it, and it will be evident to others. Integrity, independence, humility. Remember those, and work on them now.